Friday, July 04, 2014

A Friday Fit for the 4th

It’s July 4, 2014 and in celebration, Weird Wally ate half of a hotdog.  “I’ll eat half of another one next June 19th,” he is rumored to have said while attending a July 4th, hotdog eating contest. “Because independence for me wouldn’t have happened until almost a hundred years later on, Juneteenth, in 1865.”   Later that day, he confided to a close friend that the only reason he brought the subject up was because Chris Rock hadmanaged to piss off so many white people back in 2012 with a simple tweet about it, that Wally thought it was worth an encore.

But it was neither freedom nor independence that excited Wally.  What he was really excited about was Colorado Senate Bill 14-133.  If he’d read the bill right, he qualified to become a Licensed Private Investigator, in the State of Colorado.  Close to seventy, Wally is considering a second career, “This is really cool,” he told friends.  “It’s a new mid-life crises, and I’m going to be the Denver, Colorado, version of Ezekiel “Easy” Rawlings.  Besides, I’m too old for Mc Donald’s.”

Finally, after leaving the July 4th hotdog eating and fireworks festivities, and while riding the 15-RTD bus home, Wally wondered about what he’d like to investigate if, in fact, he ever became a PI.  “The Federal Reserve,” whispered a very strange looking man sitting next to him.  “I can read your mind and you should investigate the Federal Reserve,” he said.

And before Wally was able to recover, the man had jumped up and said, “This is my stop,” and leaped off the bus just after wishing Wally a “Very Happy July 4th.”

And remember, Weird Wally Sez:  The universe is not only stranger than we imagine, but it is stranger than we can imagine.

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