The Louie Gohmert Page(s)

The initial plan was to include an “Asshole of the Day” page, but during a recent editorial meeting, Wally pointed out that there were enough Asshole of the Day blogs already on the internet.  “Besides.” he said, “That means someone would have to find and post a different asshole every day and since that someone would likely be me, I have a better idea.”

Thus, “The Louie Gohmert Page” was born.  After all, a man of his limited stature and lack of scruples deserves his own special page on Weird Wally’s Worldview.   “And if there’s one thing you can count on, Louie Gohmert is gonna be an asshole at least once a day, every day,” Wally exclaimed.  “So here’s how we do this…”

1.        The Louie Gohmert Page will be open to public submissions.  Like much of what Mr. Gohmert says, submissions need not have any bases in fact, can be totally made-up and sound as silly as duckshit.   As a matter of fact, the more bizarre, the better.  Click here for a perfect example.  Although this example is true, your submission doesn’t have to be.  Either way is fine with us.

2.       Like Louie Gohmert, we have no rules governing what appears on this page or its links.

3.       If your submission has any bases in fact, we need to know.  Our readers might want to follow-up.

Please send all submissions to zendance@aol.com

Meanwhile, our first post for the Louie Gohmert Page pretty much speaks for itself.  Kind of like words from the asshole’s mouth.  Can you top it?  Text, images, and videos are all welcome!

Go to Page 1 of the Louie Gohmert Pages

Christie wants GOP to “control voting mechanism.”

Chris Christie is a pretty scary, but what’s making Wally really paranoid is that Christie is telling us something we really need to hear.   But as usual, neither Democrats, progressives nor liberals are paying attention.  “While we’re busy counting senate seats,” Wally said, “the Republicans are trying to grab state governorships.”

The theory behind this GOP move to grab voting mechanisms in as many states as possible is to snatch away the voting rights of as many non-Republicans as possible.  And that is another thing Wally says is driving him crazy.  “Democrats are already strategizing for 2016 and they ain’t even done with 2014.”  Meanwhile, if Christie has his way, only white Republicans will still have the right to vote by then.

Seems as if the Democratic Party leadership has its head up its ass.  In 2008, they ignored state elections, according to Wally.  “And as a result we now have a gerrymandered congress that’s going to stay in Republican hands for decades.” 

This time, however, the GOP makes no secret of their devious plans for taking over a nation with dramatically shifting demographics and keeping it in the hands of rich old white men, like Dick Cheney?    

At a recent Chamber of Commerce event in Washington, Christie asked a series of questions:  “Would you rather have Rick Scott in Florida overseeing the voting mechanism, or Charlie Christ?  Would you rather have Scott Walker in Wisconsin overseeing the voting mechanism, or would you rather have Mary Burke?  Who would you rather have in Ohio, John Kasich, or Ed FitzGerald?”

It’s all pretty obvious to Wally.  “When an Italian-American with a Jersey accent tells you that he’s coming to get you, you’d best listen-up and choose a weapon, fast,” he said.  “And in this case, an ounce of 2014 may just be worth a pound of 2016.  Or better yet, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush."

What Does the GOP Think is Their Biggest Idea for 21st Century America?

 During a recent oral argument before the United States Court of Appeals for the Fourth Circuit regarding North Carolina’s latest attempt to keep blacks and other potential Democrats from voting, Judge James A Wynn, the only member of the four judge panel who actually lives in North Carolina, asked, “Why does the state of North Carolina not want people to vote?”

The best answer to that question came from Dr. William Barber, who is president of the North Carolina chapter of the NAACP and organizer of the Moral Mondays protests, when he speculated that the GOP "must think we’re pretty powerful to go through all that trouble just to keep us from voting."

Subsequently, the Court halted most of the state’s voter suppression laws and in his opinion, Judge Wynn explains, “even one disenfranchised voter” who is denied the right to vote on account of race is “too many.”

Meanwhile, upon hearing the decision, Wally Tweeted out, “So many states, so little time.  So VOTE LAMF!”

Republicans Must Learn: What Goes Around Comes Around

Wally has seen his share of elections and with each cycle they seem to get worse.  And now that we have a black president, things have really gone over the top.  And instead of working together towards common goals, a few politicians have turned things into “us vs. them” and boiling everything down to simple black and white.  Only problem is, according to Wally, “that old fashioned politics don’t work no more.”

Ever since Nixon’s successful use of evangelicals in his presidential campaigns, Republicans have catered to them and their issues, such as abortion, contraception and gay marriage, which often swept them into office.  As a matter of fact, Wally remembers how Republicans worked hard to get abortion and gay related issues on the ballot most every election.  If nothing else, it brought the evangelicals, along with some other very angry people, out to the polls and they were usually single issue Republican voters.

In 1988, the George H.W. Bush campaign discovered that racism, if subtle enough, was another way of getting very angry people to the polls and Willie Horton became the face of the Bush Campaign. Between the evangelicals and xenophobes, the Republicans had grabbed most all of the voting public, and Wally was highly pissed about it.  On the other hand, and he knew neither how nor why, but they were practicing bad medicine and bad medicine will eventually guarantee a bad outcome.

And with the exception of a glorious eight years which ended with a significant budget surplus and economic growth, things pretty much sucked.  But Clinton was an exception to the rule and Wally saw the second Bush elected.  This time, however, the Republicans added a new paradigm with their image, “compassionate conservatism,” which itself, became an oxymoron.  But few, including Wally, could actually have defined compassionate conservatism, until George W. Bush’s response in Hurricane Katrina of 2005.

It was with heavy heart that Wally lived through the Bush era, but a financial meltdown brought a new Kind of president to Washington.  What will this new kind of president be like, people asked?  “Just like the old kind,” Wally loved to say.

But things are changing.  Even the evangelicals are now insisting, “God don’t make no trash,” and are seeing gays as actual children of God.  “And besides,” sez Wally, “Jesus loves them.”  And as many evangelicals come to accept things like global climate change and gay and lesbian marriage, they are leaving the GOP and shrinking its base even more.  No longer can local, state or federal elections be won by simply putting gay marriage on the ballot.

Even President Obama, of late, has been acting like a new kind of president and a lot less like the old kind.  And although Wally wishes he would do more to even out the economic inequality situation, Wally is starting to hope again.  And it seems like the bad medicine of divisiveness and negativity practiced by the GOP for the past forty years, is coming back around and biting them in the butt.  And the pox is now upon their own house.

And what was once hidden is now being revealed and Wally wonders what else will come to light before the November Elections.  “If the past year or two is any indication, we’re all in for a very revealing, but ugly ride,” Wally is rumored to have told the GOP fund raiser who phoned him.  "After all, what goes around, comes around and God still don’t like ugly.”  But Wally still can’t understand how his name and number got on a GOP fund raising list in the first damn place.