Wednesday, May 30, 2007

In his latest comunique, Hillbilly Hermit sends us the top ten reasons to be a hermit and, also sends us a picture of the washing machine in his front yard. Hillbilly sez, “Okay, okay. It's not new. It sat in the neighbor's yard for 20 years, but the damned thing works, and just think. One load of water will do 10 loads of laundry (if you keep adding soap and rinse real good).”

Hillbilly Hermit sez:

Why would one go from social worker to hermit? or choose to live
without close human contact? or give up the pleasures of joining a
crowd of thousands at a football game, or a concert? Why would one pass
up the absolute pleasure of going to a crowded buffet on "shrimp night"?

Here 10 good reasons:

-cooties. Ever had scabies? or crabs? or head lice? You don't get
these things from the air. They crawl off the lady sitting next to you
on the crowded commuter train... or maybe something crawled out of the
ass of one of the last 100 people who sat on the same seat you're
sitting on now?

-cost. Your house cost $200,000 plus. My house cost $35,000 and
includes 35 acres of forest.

-germs. Consider the restaurant, or worse, the buffet... several
hundred people sneezing and snorting their way through the food lines...
touching their asses, then touching the food-- the same food you're
going to eat.

-Jones. as in "keeping up with." A $60,000 Mercedes? or a $600 used
truck? ain't pretty, no prestige, but leaves me $59,400 I don't have to
earn... or steal.

-feeding frenzies. Christmas shopping, obesity, scalper prices for
sold-out performances? A beautiful sunrise doesn't cost a cent, and you
can watch it from anywhere.

-conformity. drive the same car, live in the same loft, buy the same
clothes. In an ant den, all the ants look alike too.

-smell. I realize that most of those reading this have never been
outside the city long enough for their noses to adjust, but you can't
imagine how bad the cities smell until you've lived in clean air for a

-chewing gum. Yeah yeah, I gotta watch out for cow pies, but I'd much,
much rather step in cow shit than walk the vomit encrusted, chewing gum
mined, pissed-on doorsteps of any city street. Just think. The same
shoes that spent the day stepping in that stuff now slide under the bed
you'll be sleeping in tonight.

-hive mentality. ten million bees, all buzzing in harmony, all
collecting honey for the queen (or king george), and all ready to
sacrifice their lives when king george tells 'em there's a war on.

-road rage. Where I live, we wave and smile at passing motorists. If I
do that in the city, I get shot.

And the top reason: Not a target for missiles or terrorists.

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